5/6 Descriptive Writing Examples

Here are a few very descriptive writing pieces written by our 5/6 students.

Full Of Excitement

the children squealed. They knew it was coming. They were so ready! 5..4..3..2..1.. SMACK. It was like a rain storm with hard hail covering the air. Amongst the rest of us were perplexed, and of course mum and dad were on their phones but they were just playing games on the device. “Noooooooooooo,” I yelledand the whole park could hear me. I was speechless.

Then we ran like a stampede of animals’ right to the Go Karts. “Broom Broom.” The cars went when we ran past the entrance we waited and waited and it felt like a million years of torcher just in one day. Finally, I thought I was dead! I jumped into the car and it was like a cushion but I think I broke a bone. I could hear people cheering and I could smell the chlorine from the previous smelly people that were here. I was so nervous I could smell the sweat running down my arms and face, the lights were about to go green 3…2…1… GO!!! I held onto the wheel and put my foot on the speed button and I was on a roll. I tried to go as fast as I could. I could see the guy in front of me, going as fast as a cheetah, screeching around corners. I was now half way and coming second place. I tried to get past but he kept zig-zagging across the road. I knew there was no chance I could finish the race before him.

Just then he ran out of petrol and drove to the side of the road and crashed. It was my turn taking the lead. I could feel the excitement. Butterflies filled the inside of my stomach. I won the race and I was so amazed. I hopped out of the Go Kart seat and mum was waiting for me so that we could go home and have some dinner.

We walked past the toboggans, the pirate ship, and the kid’s area and said my good-byes. I walked out of the theme park, looked at my shoes and jumped into the car. I put my seatbelt on and looked out the window. I waved good-bye to fun fields and we were on the highway. I had the best day and I can’t wait to go up again someday.

    Chloe Fordam 5/6A



The Camp Out 

As we lay in our tent we heard the quiet sound of the wind gushing around us. It sounded like a jet fighter streaming past us. It was something. Something big. We all gathered closely together, fearing four our safety. Shadows seemed t be lurking all around us, bouncing off the tent walls.

Our bodies started to freeze in fear, like we were in the snowfields of Antarctica. Goosebumps appeared all over, with the hairs on my neck standing up like a solider at attention. 

Ziiiiippp. I unzip the tent door as quietly as I could. Peeking outside slowly, I checked to make sure the coast my clear. My heart felt like it was beating a million miles an hour. It felt like it would jump out of my chest at any moment. I turned slowly to the others and signalled with my finger to my mouth to be quiet. 


By Cooper Vella 5/6A



    A Spooky Night.

She walked down the long, dark, creepy alley. At the end of it, a mansion. Her skin was the most pale you would have ever seen, and her hair was grey and straw like, tangled up everywhere and completely unkempt, she was so thin, it was only skin and bones. She was so pale, though you could even see her bones. She had a black hood that covers her heard with some stitches in it, the hood is attached to a cloak, and the cloak drags slowly over the muddy ground.

Occasionally stumbling over a branch. There were some trees hanging low over her, her head narrowly missed them. They were all dead, but seemed to be whispering don’t. Taking no interest, she finally reached the door. She knocked three times, hoping someone would answer, and offer her food, otherwise, she could die. No one answered.
While she walked, slower than a snail.   

   Lara O’Shea 5/6F

Melbourne Renegades VS Melbourne Stars

BAM!!!!!! The ball goes for six and the crowd go insane. Kevin Pietersen raises his bat for his half century for Melbourne Stars. The last ball goes straight down the left side and hits the stump back to the keeper, my team gets around me as we have just won the BBL07 Cup. Kevin Pietersen gone for 57 runs, he faced 29 balls and played for 38 minutes, he also hit five fours and three sixes. The next batsman is Glenn Maxwell from Belgrave, he lines up as Aaron Finch bowls his off spin and the commentators are shocked. “Glenn Maxwell gone for a golden duck!” Damien Fleming said in shock, “It looks like the Melbourne Stars are not going to have a good season.” At the end of the game, I walk out of the stadium with my head high and cannot wait for the next game



          Robbie Vosmansky 5/6B